No more 'buts'
by xAppleDownx
Summary: Lorelai opened her eyes. There was dark all around her. She turned around and expected Luke to be there, but then she remembered that he was in his own apartment. Suddenly she felt very lonely, just like the time they were apart. Please read and review!


Lorelai's thoughts were racing. Her head was working on a full time job and no matter how hard she tried to focus on something else. She'd tried almost everything. Not even a cold-water showed had helped. Just as soon as she stepped out of the shower her mind went back on. Many times she'd been on the edge of tears, but somehow she always managed to hold them back and force a smile or a laugh. She had to hold on and not show any weakness. But inside she was a wreck. She was crushed and confused. How could he do it to her? How could he lie so hard? They had promised 'no more secrets', but he apparently couldn't keep that promise. Once she hadn't told him about the tequila night after Chris' father had just died, and that mixed with her mother interruption they had ended up all by them self for a few weeks. She thought she was devastated back then, but when they got back together she thought that pain was over. But she was wrong. Though they were still a couple it all seemed so vague. So fake and all pretending. The first few months after the engagement they had been happy together. Everything was good and they just enjoyed each other's company. They made plans about kids and her house was renovated so there would be room for a family. The family they were supposed to build together, but now it all seemed like a dream, one she had so long ago. It was just a blur. Coming, there and then gone…

Through the past two months he'd been acting so weird. She sensed it, but thought it was nothing. But then a few days ago she'd entered the diner and saw a girl standing there. Already at the first look she noticed something familiar. Something about her eyes or the shape of her head. Lorelai couldn't say where she'd seen her before, but then she got to know the truth. Luke had a daughter, and he's knew about her for two months. April… If Lorelai had just heard the name in the street she would think that the poor girl was born in April, but this girl wasn't just any girl. It was Luke's kid, her fiancé's kid. It had all come so sudden, but now 'it' was here, and she was not going to go away.

Lorelai sat down on the couch and stared at the black TV-screen. She just stared at it, somehow expecting a movie to begin, though she knew that nothing was going to happen before she turned it on. Suddenly her starring was interrupted by the phone ringing.

"Hi mom!"

"Hey Rory… Still at Lane's?"

"Yeah… Actually I was planning on crashing here, if that's okay with you?"

"Sure thing, hun! Even if I wanted you to come home… I can' t make decisions for you anymore, you're 21!"

"Mom, what's wrong? You sounds a little depressed…"

"I'm fine…"

"You don't sound fine. I can come home if you want me to"

"No need. I am totally fine. No problem… At all…"

"I've known you for 21 years. Don't think I'm stupid. There's something wrong."

"Okay, okay… You win. It's just the whole April-thing, and then the postponing of the wedding that bugs me. A little…"

"Mom, you're going to get married soon. I promise you. And I understand you're upset that Luke didn't tell you about April, but you can't hate her. She wasn't the one to decide her father. Better blame her mother. And try to take his point of view. Maybe he was afraid of losing you, like you lost him."

That was Rory talking. Always knowing everything… "Yeah… from now on I'll just hate Anna Nardini."

"You're going to get married!" Rory almost shouted.

"And you say so… _Postpone _means _cancel _in regular English. And you of all people should know that, you smart girl."

"_Postpone _means _postpone._ Luke just needs some time to clear his head, that's all."

"The last time he needed _time to clear his head_ we ended up as a no longer existing couple, and I don't want that to happen again."

"He wants you. Luke wants to marry you. And he loves you."

"If he really loves me why hasn't he told me yet then? He has never said: "I can't live without you 'cause _I love you _to much" See, I've got a point here"

"Have you told him?"

_She got me, _Lorelai thought and then decided not to let her daughter win.

"No, but the guys supposed to say it first, like Dean told you."

"No they're not. I told Logan first and we're fine."

"Right, but…"

"No more buts. You'll work it out. Go talk to him first thing in the morning."

And then she just hung up. Lorelai was now standing with the phone in her hand and she felt like she had many more words that needed to come out. Lorelai sighed. Again she felt lonely and at last she decided to go to bed. She fell asleep just as she placed her head on the pillow, but it wasn't a calm sleep. All of her dreams were unhappy and dark.

Lorelai opened her eyes. There was dark all around her. She turned around and expected Luke to be there, but then she remembered that he was in his own apartment. Suddenly she felt very lonely, just like the time they were apart. She remembered how she had cried herself to sleep for many days. Suddenly she realized that if she didn't do anything to fix the tension between them, they might ended up alone, again. She knew she couldn't stand to lose him again. She had to do something, NOW! She got out of bed and ran downstairs. She didn't care about that it actually was winter outside. She just walked and soon she was standing outside Luke's. All the light was off, she figured he was asleep, and didn't have an early delivery. She sighed, and then realized how cold it was. Her whole body was shaking and she couldn't feel her feet. She reached the door and took the key. The bells above jingled as usual. She walked over to the counter and suddenly it hit her. _Gosh, I need coffee! _For her 'luck' there was an old cup on the counter with some cold coffee in it. She sipped, but then spit it out again. "Gross! Coffee has to be warm" she grumbled. She sighed and then sat down by the counter, suddenly feeling very tired. And it didn't take many minutes before she was fast asleep.

Meanwhile upstairs Luke was lying in his bed unable to fall asleep. His eyes were wide open and his ears caught every little sound. While he was lying there he was thinking of Lorelai. The pain in her eyes haunted him, and wouldn't leave. He kept questioning himself: _Why didn't I tell her about April? _He'd told Liz pretty soon after he found out, but why had he kept it as a secret for Lorelai? He remembered the look she sent him, when April had told her the truth. _"My father owns the place. The diner, at least. Not sure about the land."_

And when he postponed the wedding. She'd been through so much her entire life, and now he was putting her through this. He'd torn her apart. _How can I do it to her? She must be wondering and so am I._ He loved her and he really wanted to marry her, but he just needed sometime to think. From having nothing but dreams and plans of kids, to suddenly being dad for a 12 year old girl. Big step! He sighed and then suddenly for the first time in his life he really needed some coffee. He finally understood Lorelai's need for coffee. He then got up and went downstairs. When started to make some coffee and was about to get a big surprise. He turned around and there she was. "Lorelai?" He was just standing there staring at her for a moment, before he moved a little closer. Gently he brushed some hair away from her face, and then saw she'd been crying. Again he started to feel guilty. He knew he was the one that had caused all of her pain by not telling her about April, but what is done can not be undone. Luke walked to the other side of the counter and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. Suddenly she woke up and when she realized Luke was standing behind her, she burst into tears. Luke was stunned, it wasn't very often he saw her cry. The first time was when she'd been uninvited to her parents Christmas-party and her dad ended up at the hospital. The second time was caused by her grandmother. She'd said some cruel things about Lorelai having financial problems, and then she went to him, and broke down. Then there was the time they broke up. He could hear she'd been crying in the tape. Actually he still had that tape, and while they were apart he listened to it every day. And then now. He had caused this pain…

Slowly he pulled her up and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. Her body was shaking and he could hear her sobs between the tears. They were just standing there, none of them saying anything at all. Thirty minutes passed by before she stopped crying. "Thanks" she mumbled and pulled away. "What am I doing here?" she asked. "Honestly I don't know" he responded.

"I remember that I talked to Rory" she mumbled. She looked around, and somehow it seemed like she first then realized she was in the diner. "I felt lonely" she suddenly said. Luke looked a little surprised, but then he got it. A small smile came across his face. "So I went to the diner, but you wasn't here and I didn't wanted to wake you up, since you don't have any early deliveries today. So I tasted that disgusting cold coffee and then I fell asleep…" The rambling Lorelai was back, but Luke just listened. He looked at her and saw she was shaking again, but this time because she was cold. But that made sense, 'cause she was wearing nothing but her pyjamas. She couldn't remember why she wasn't wearing any shoes or at least a coat. "By the way what are you doing down here?" she asked curiously. "Just needed some coffee" he responded. "You needed some coffee? You're kidding, right. I think you've spend to much time in my company mister backwards-baseball cap" She sent him an ironic smile. Then they both fell silent. For the first time in two months they acted like they used to. No tensions between them. But this awkward silent got them back. "Let's get some coffee" Luke suggested, and Lorelai just nodded. Lorelai immediately cheered up, when she tasted the coffee. "Let's get you to bed" He led Lorelai by hand up the stairs.. When they approached the apartment Luke suddenly stopped. "Lorelai listen… I'm really sorry about all this. I'm sorry, okay." Lorelai couldn't say anything, so she just let him finish. "I know we promised to tell each other everything. I was just afraid of how you would react. I didn't want to let you down by the whole Rory-retuning thing. I know I should've told you so much sooner." Lorelai just smiled. "Well, I didn't tell you about the tequila-night with Christopher…"

"I know. But at least you didn't run away like I did. I just didn't want to lose you." Luke looked at his feet. "Well, I guess you're just lucky that I'm not you!" Lorelai was back. The happy Lorelai that made fun of everything, she was back. They looked into each others eyes and they both knew that from now on they could trust each other. They leaned in for a kiss, and when their lips met, they felt closer than ever. When they pulled away it was like the time they'd just started dating. All new and exiting. A few minutes later they were lying in bed, and then Lorelai knew that the moment was there. "Luke…"

"Yeah?" he mumbled and wrapped his arms around her waist. "I love you" she said with so much confidence in her voice. Finally she said the words he'd been pining for so long. "I love you too" he whispered. "Luke… when is it going to be?" He got a little confused. "What?"

"Our wedding" _Of course, I should've known that. _"What about somewhere in August?" "August" she tasted on the word. "August is only two months after June third." He smiled. "I know. But that gives me two months to make up for the last two. And I can't wait much longer!"


End file.
